i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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