You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
