but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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