You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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