OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
