Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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