I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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