she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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