I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
