im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
