So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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