please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
