# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
