Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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