this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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