Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
