I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
