i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This house was built for laser tag.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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