I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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