I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
