If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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