The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
