for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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