Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
