You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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