I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
