Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
