You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
