dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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