I'm lost and stupid without you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
