Heybabeimwearingurpanties
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
