Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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