When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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