I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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