Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
