9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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