Your face is a jimmy john
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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