I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
