Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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