I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
