Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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