I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
