Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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