You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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