I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
