Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
