I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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