i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dignity is for republicans.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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