Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
