I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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