just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.