exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.