She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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