I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.