Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.