tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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