i permit you to call me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
