well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
