grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
