I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
