Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
