i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the condom got lost in my hair
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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