masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize