ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
