Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
