I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
