I cannot find my penis.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize