at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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