i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
