I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
