Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
