The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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