I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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