You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
